lonely has been the theme of my life for the past month.
that's a sad statement. but, completely true.
a little over a month ago, i left the place i called home for 2 years to come back to my original "home", that consequently no longer feels like home. i left my community of family and friends, an incredible environment and church- to come here. a dry, dead environment where i have no sense of community whatsoever.
i cracked under the weight of it all about 3 nights ago. i sat outside in the freezing cold (i live in Colorado)...texting my best friend in Alabama. crying harder than i have in a very long time. sharing my heart. how i was sick of being alone and not having any friends or anyone to share my heartache, joys, and Jesus stories with. sick of being in a spiritually dead environment. starving for the presence of God.
i'm never alone. i'm always with people. but even in the midst of all of them. i honestly don't think i have ever felt more alone in my life.
i know this is where God asked me to be. and it still makes me mad, sad, irritated, depressed, anxious- a whole flux of emotions.
but He asked me to come here.
this is my "in-between" from Alabama to California...where I am moving for long term in about a year. but it is such a struggle for me to not view it as "just" an in-between. just a waiting room. just a place to prepare for where i am really supposed to be. cause this is where i am supposed to be. for this season of waiting and preparation.
everyday i think about Alabama. everyday i think about California. i fell like my anxiety with being back in Colorado is keeping me from being here.
i see all this. i know all this. i feel all this.
but here's what else i know.
the rock that i have to stand on.
or my loneliness will cause me to lose heart and sink.
and i'm stronger than that.
my God is stronger than that.
"NEVER will I leave you, nor will I forsake you."
"I am with you always, even to the very end of the age."
"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and very courageous. Do not be discouraged. Do not be afraid. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go."
"Nothing in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of Christ Jesus."
"Where can I go from your Spirit? Or where shall I flee from Your presence? If I ascent to heaven, You are there. If I make my bed in the depths, You are there."
i may feel alone.
i may not have community here.
but i am not alone.
my Father is with me.
my sweet Jesus is with me.
the Holy Spirit accompanies me wherever i go.
loneliness. just like every negative emotion. is a lie.
even when we feel "lonely", chances are we've simply forgotten that we are never alone.
just as i have forgotten.
but as i have been gently, yet forcefully reminded, allow me to remind you...
though you feel lonely,
you are NOT alone.
*This post is part of a community of bloggers called Five Minute Friday that takes 5 minutes every Friday to write, just for the love of writing. You can join in at lisajobaker.com*